Hard on Vs. Wide on: The Great Debate

Because why not… And yes that sentence (If you can call it that) will annoy me to the end of time but I am sticking with it… As well as that one. Points if you can figure out why.

As a relatively human shaped individual I have often been mistake for someone who would actually like to take part in conversations and that kind of none-sense. Consequently as I have been alive in a first world country I have been exposed to the phrase ‘hard on’ (Or the word ‘hardon’) ever since I was a rosy cheeked cynical little shit.

For those who are not aware, whom I am fairly certain will number somewhere between zero and negative amounts, a hard on is when a man gets very excited and his penis gets hard, called by the scientific community (As well as by anyone who is a fan of any form of sarcastic or embarrassing humour) an erection. If you still need more information… Just, why?

A ‘wide on’ however was a word I was introduced to when I was maybe twelve years old in the playground of some horrific high school, and as I was far too embarrassed to ask anyone what one was, due to some school yard rule that everyone had to know about sex regardless of who they were, that coupled with my inability to form actual words louder than a whisper at this point in my life. I never even thought about it.

All I knew about it at the time was the fact that it was the female version of a boner, and I just thought it was a metaphorical equivalency. But depressingly enough after more than thirteen years, on a Sunday, on my way to work I was riding my bike (Yes I ride a bike) just minding my own business and then boom, realisation hit me. Wide on, actually is about as literally correct as a mans hard on.

Basically during the first stage of arousal in women, blood flows to the vagina walls, making them swell (And look a much darker colour), the top of the vagina also expands… So whichever way you look at it, someone in my school or maybe even years before had actually looked that shit up, making it the most intelligent slang of all time. I physically guarantee no one at the time knew that it was correct in a literal sense.

So yes… That was a debate which formed in my head on my way to work. Cheerio.


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