Metaphorical death

I think this week nearly killed me… Not literally of course, more metaphorically, but it has not been exactly great for my psyche…

For a job I chose because I didn’t have to get up early every morning I sure have been getting up early a hell of a lot recently.

Stupidly early as well, it is probably quite depressing that my seven hours of sleep felt amazing this morning, but not enough… Which it was bound to be when I have been sleeping so badly recently.

Side Note: Although during this week I may have discovered the value of carbs in my diet and so I will be putting more carbs in. The only issue with this plan is that carbs are very boring and it is very hard to actually find ones I would be willing to eat often enough for it to not be a complete waste of time. 

Couple the week of awful sleep with the fact that I have an exam this coming Wednesday and I haven’t really done any work for it (I tried to do some today and you can tell I have ADHD as I cannot concentrate on it for very long), I guess there is only one thing I have to complete for it…

But if it gets to the other side of my exam and I still have not completed something then I am afraid it will just be postponed until the next time an emergency is raised on account of not having the work done.

Its a vicious cycle… A vicious cycle of laziness and my short attention span.

Although that thought has actually cheered me up quite a bit, I will have a look in my book and have a look to see whatever is the absolute bare minimum I can do and still pass my exam. The rest of the coursework I will do once this stuff has been completed! Look at me… I made a plan.

Now it is just a case of motivating myself…

sdr

(With any luck, hopefully my own well-being will be enough of a motivation to look after myself better, before I end up broken, mentally or physically. I have always sought to make a better version of myself, even if I occasionally get side tracked by other shiny things…)

Moving on from what I am sure would have been a delightful monologue before it even begins, there are quite a few of depressing topics I could have gone into there as well but I don’t want to as it really does not feel like that kind of day.

It feels much less like a day of pointing out the fallacies of mankind, or pointing out how and why the human body works the way it does, but instead I want to try and get back into actual writing.

Instead of treating this entirely like a miserable self obsessed moan at the universe, I want to use it more productively.

I am human, rather unfortunately sometimes, so I may occasionally dip back into that particular barrel of none-sense, so I may still, from time to time have something I would like to say which may not be considered entirely un-moany.

Side Note 2: Plantain is a source of carbohydrate, and a tasty one at that, it has about 32g of the stuff in it. As well as a surprising amount of Vitamin A, C and B-12. Obviously you cannot eat loads of them on account of the high potassium content but it has very low levels of fat in them. So it could be good if you are aiming for a low fat diet, unlike mine, which is concerningly high in fat. But there is a reason for that…

I do enjoy variety aside from anything else, and I have had chicken for my main meal for almost three months straight and I am bored out of my mind with chicken. Which I did not actually think was possible

mde

(These cookies are incredible when you have just been working out, I should possibly research if they are doing bad things to my insides… But I don’t want to ruin them for myself…)

To be fair though it is not the chicken part of it which is at issue, it is the carbohydrate part I add into it which needs to be altered. Mainly because I see them as something which I have to have in it, not something I actually enjoy eating. I would really like to make it as main a part of my food times as my protein source.

I mean I tried egg  noodles a little while ago and to be fair with soy sauce and garlic they were incredible to be honest… In fact I have little to no comprehension as to why I stopped doing it like that.

Oh wait a minute that is why, because I am actually terrifyingly lazy… I mean so terrifyingly lazy, its actually something of a miracle that my heart has yet to stop beating simply because it just cant be arsed to keep doing it.

Wow I am a barrel of delight today… But I blame my lack of sleep, and I am not blaming anyone else for my funk… Just myself… In the third person? I really do need to sleep…

Side Note 3: There is an incredibly close link between not seeing to your own physiological needs and depression. So if you think you are sad today, try eating, sleeping, peeing, pooping or having sex… See if that lifts your mood before you go to drugs. 

I think this entire entry has been a gigantic whine about how much I need to sleep and eat better, despite assuring you that I would not spend this particular entry doing nothing but whining. So I think I should end on something positive…

Naturally as I say that, all positive things in the world decided to simultaneously leave my head at the same time…

But this entry has been going on for a while now which is not good news as I know I can talk a lot, and sometimes I just get going and bam… There is like 1000 words written before I could even tell you what happened…

So I guess, as I am beyond tired, that I will leave you with one final sobering yet oddly very nice thought, brought to you by the infinite power of the internet…

good_reason_to_smile_by_skyqeen-d3ij0mu1

(I was going to attach a URL but it is already attached to the bottom of the picture so… No need!)

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